Emily's Farewell
by Dragon Claymore
Summary: Emily Prentiss' thoughts as she takes one last look around the BAU before leaving. ** SPOILER ALERT ** if you haven't seen 'Valhalla' watch that first. Please, it's a really well done episode.


Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, the characters from the show, etc. I am not making any money off the writing of this story.

re-posted because FFN kept eliminating my spaces, so I put dots on the lines to hopefully keep the spaces.

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><p>** SPOILER ALERT ** if you haven't seen Valhalla, don't read this until you have.<p>

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><p>'I have seen an end of all perfection: but thy commandment is exceeding broad.'<br>N. B.: This is the origin of the proverb; 'All good things must come to an end.'

_- Psalm 119: 96 KJV_

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><p>He's a threat to my family. Oh, not my mother, she's in Italy. Not my father, wherever he is. My family has no idea what they're facing. What I did, what I have to do now. Tsia is dead and I gave her to him. Not intentionally, I was trying to keep her safe. It didn't work. I never wanted to see her dead.<p>

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Morgan is suspicious. I would be to in his shoes, but they can't know. Doyle won't let me go nor will he let me stay.

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The bullpen is so full when Morgan and I arrive. Everyone is listening carefully to Hotch as he gives the profile. It won't help much. Doyle will only be found when he wants to be found.

The lump that's been in my chest for weeks is moving up to my throat again. It hurts to see them like this and know what I know.

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Seaver, so young, so eager, she's seen so much and yet has stayed on with us. Always learning, asking questions, it's been nice to have someone learning from watching you. She's come so far but has so much more to go. I wonder who her new training agent will be? Will they explain the life to her? Will they make sure it doesn't become all she has? Will she stay with the BAU or continue onto another department?

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Rossi, so much experience, those eyes have seen a lot. He's watching the other's reactions as Hotch speaks. Profiling the room, he's careful to make note of who will need extra watching, who's really hearing Hotch and who is listening only to what they want to hear. I wonder if hour's finished his next book yet? We all see him typing away on it from time-to-time. How long before he commits what's happening now to the relm of his best-sellers? How long before everyone knows 'everything' about Ian Doyle?

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Hotch, so controlled, always calm, I appreciate, more than he'll ever know, the fact that he let me stay at the BAU. The paperwork was a nightmare 'they' said it wouldn't be a problem. With the profile being given in our bullpen, he is sure to exude calm and confidence expected of a Unit Chief. He wears the mantle well but the stress is starting to show. After Haley… spending time with his son is so much more precious to him. He wants a safer world for Jack and it drives him so hard. Who is going to help him relax? He's trying to be a full-time Unit Chief and full-time father. Will he allow anyone close again?

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Morgan turns around from where he stands just ahead of me. Such strength and caring, he's the one that's voiced his concerns out in the field. He's the one that seems to notice first. Watching me carefully hasn't made my part any easier to play. He doesn't miss much.

I have to focus as I notice his lips moving.

'You good?' Morgan asks as he continues to stare at me.

'Yeah,' I reply softly. It's all I can manage past the lump in my throat. He turns back to the briefing and my eyes begin to fill. He has such a big heart. I wonder if he'll let anyone work with him as he has with me. We made a good team, watching each other's backs. He's like a brother and it hurts just as much to have to leave him.

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This is agony. I'm going to break soon but I need to finish my last look. Screaming would only bring attention to me and I don't need it.

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Reid, so wonderfully… Reid, so much knowledge, he sits listening to a profile he helped so much to write. His mind is so amazing. We take it for granted so often and without thought. Things we could and, at least when not case related, should look up for ourselves he's so willing to hand to us. It took a while to understand that he's not being arrogant when he goes on about something. He simply wants to share what he knows with everyone. Will he tell anyone else when I'm gone about the headaches? He needs to get help but it sounds like he's been trying. I wonder if he truly realizes how much we would be there for him, if only he would say something. I worry about him.

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Garcia, she's my mood lifter and personification of a ray of sunshine. So wonderfully concerned about me, I didn't want to have to push her away as I have, but there's no other option. She thinks the reason I've been late is a guy. It is, but not nearly in the way she thinks. I know she worries and I don't want to hurt her. Stop. I can't do this and so what I need to do. She's kept such sensitivity and caring despite the horrors that fill her screens constantly. Such a serious look on a face that usually displays such joy hurts. Who's going to help keep her 'chocolate god' safe after me? BAU Girls night will be just her and Seaver from now on.

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I have to move. I force myself to turn away from the team. Putting one foot in front of the other, carefully, deliberately I move toward the glass door. It hurts so much.

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The lump is burning my throat. My tears threaten to drown me and there's a weight on my chest so heavy that I'm amazed I can still move at all. The reflections in the glass door move as my hands push the cool handle out of the way.

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I can do this.

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I have to do this.

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It hurts more than I ever imagined. I fought my way to be here and now I have to fight to leave.

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Good-bye my co-workers.

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Good-bye my teammates.

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Good-bye my friends.

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I only hope you can forgive me…

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Someday.

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><p>Forgiveness is love in its most noble form.<p>

_- Anonymous_

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><p>Only the brave know how to forgive; it is the most refined and generous pitch of virtue human nature can arrive at.<p>

_- Laurence Sterne_

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><p>I wrote this from midnight to about 1:00 am after finally being able to watch 'Valhalla' completely without interruptions. It struck me how much it cost Prentiss to leave and how well Paget played that scene.<p>

It is un-beta-ed so all mistakes are completely mine. Feel free to point them out and I'll gladly post an update with the changes.

I am looking for a regular beta if anyone is interested, please PM me.

Reid's Surprise will hopefully be updated this weekend, depending on how work goes.

TTFN,

Dragon


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